Bids For Connection: The Building Blocks of Emotional Connection
In Dr. John Gottman’s apartment lab at the University of Washington, he studies how people interact with one another under everyday circumstances. He has discovered that “bids for connection” happen at a very high rate between partners. For example, happy couples “bid” 100 times in ten minutes. What makes the bids so important? How those bids are made and responded to influences how well that relationship is going to fare over time.
What is a bid for connection? As Dr. Gottman explains in his new book, The Relationship Cure, bids can be verbal or non-verbal. They can be highly physical or come totally from the intellect. They can be sexual or non-sexual. The key is that a bid for connection is an attempt to create connection between two people. Its function is to keep the relationship going forward and in a positive direction.

Bids are the fundamental element of emotional connection. The brief quiz below helps you to assess your style of bidding. More in depth tests are available in The Relationship Cure. To take this test, think of a person who is important to you. Complete each item by indicating how much you agree or disagree with the statement.